I HAD A DREAM

Here’s a secret I am not telling you about...

There is this joy in my life... it has recently entered after years of desiring... so you can imagine the joy?

But no... here I am with my heart clutched in shambles constrained from feeling that joy...

Shambles of morality, guilt, image...

I am literally not free.. I feel tied to these roots (of morality, guilt) that are pulling down my mind from flying.. 

This is THE dream which has “appeared” to come true... and poses this warning of turning into my worst nightmare... 

I knew that this dream coming to life would be life as I could imagine it to be, but I know.. I am walking on the road to my destruction...

Imagine the guilt I feel for feeling this joy... 

Road less travelled...

After having spent as many as 30 years in a city, you tend to be familiar with most of its turns and curves... Or at the least know of or have heard of it all... But having spent over a decade knowing#connaughtplace it's surprising when you stumble upon a discreet cut in the road that you have missed all these years.. cos let's face it... There was never the time or energy to just wander... Moving in the city without an agenda or reason is the most improbable thought (unless that too is done on purpose!!). We specially go out of town and become the most heightened travellers and escapists (again on purpose)- not that i am ridiculing it... But i am just so pleased to have happened to this plan... to take this route today , and make acquaintance with this absolutely deserted road, secluded by the might of barricades, cos hello!!... #jantarmantar and i went to this apparently famous south Indian snacks cafe, operating from the side of the road selling dosas, utthapams and vadas like hot cakes during the day, and leisurely delicious snacks during the evening when you are famished and you deserve a reward for battling an exceptionally exhausting day.. when it's less crowded and more spacious! And not just by head count... But the added effect of calm and space (cannot stress enough on this point) that you experience courtesy such vehicle rid streets in the peak hours of the evening (reminds you of the morning after diwali and the evening after holi).. accentuated by pleasant weather and good company specially for someone who's a sucker for all such things and their rare amalgamation... Meri#sunehridilli

That spark should never die...
It's important in today's lives that we hold onto and more often than not demonstrate that tinch of craze and spontaneity in us... Being slaves to our daily routine mundane lives and an ever present air of negativity leads to a slow decay of the soul....

Hold on to what makes you happy... Make time for things you love.. Sometimes be spontaneous.. Brush the dust off your soul... Don't just live... Be alive...

Winter 2016
Model: Supreet Kaur 

This just in...
#sochkabhibhiaasaktihai #stuckinthewrongprofession  #whatislife #selfproclaimed #quotemaster

What a fresh perspective! In today's time, while living in a metropolitan.. You have educated male colleagues whose best argument in dismissing your case weighs in on the ground "you girls have such nakhras" "so difficult to handle you women" they're bloody damn right! we're not their cup of tea.. It takes a strong man to appreciate and credulate women who are head strong and opinionated... And can accept women in a position of power.. Strong traits are often cloaked and rephrased as their evil twins (a negative synonyms) We have still not reached the state of equals.. Yes there are times I sympathize with all the bash men have to face in the name of empowerment of women.. It is only unfortunate that all this propaganda for gender equality has had negative impact... Dear ladies.. Be You.. Be true.. Don't apologize for being good at your jobs! Sometimes the best man for a job is a woman!

Food for Thought

I went for a lunch with this friend of mine... Although she is my mother's friend but I like to call her my friend too.. Poor mother is always insecure from both ends... The daughter and the friend while we enjoy our candidly secret relationship.. I think she singularly thinks the highest of me. She calls me HJ (that's short for #hiddenjewel) We have nothing in common except for our mutual adoration for the other and perhaps the love for books... She is a mother of two (who I believe are much more cool and smarter than me. They're the quintessential#mostlikelyto kids *touchwood *), I am unmarried and absolutely unacquainted to the phrase#responsibility. I am usually getting into bed after a late night with friends or a serial marathon on the laptop when it's already time for her to wake up for yoga and daily chores.. While I live with my phone under my grip 24x7 and am constantly online, she doesn care to even possess a smart phone (I like such out of the ordinary ppl)... So as is customary.. Before, during, after the lunch I was clicking away pictures from this angle and that filter she goes on to tell me this #bizzarefact that India tops the statistics of the number of deaths due to clicking selfies.. While I was clicking this particular one I exclaim and laugh at this extraordinary piece of information. I continue the conversation on this line and agreeingly say these are days when ppl are not as concerned about living their lives as they are about chronicling it... I am unashamedly one of the selfie takers, check-iners, pouting, updating, commenting, liking regulars who many find certain pride and satisfaction in condescending ridiculing.. While I am all for individuality, and being different, or crazy, or weird, I also unapologetically support doing what you want to without worrying about what who says .. I think that's as confident as you can be an individual, be it out of the box personality or one blamed for lack of originality #foodforthought #burp#beyourself that the most original you can be

WHEN ANGELS BLEED

THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE IN OUR LIVES WHOM WE ALWAYS TAKE IN VERY HIGH REGARD, ALMOST NEXT TO GOD, ONLY WE KNOW THAT THEY ARE HUMANS, SO WE CHOOSE TO BELIEVE THEY ARE ANGELS SENT ESPECIALLY FOR US BY GOD. BUT THEN THERE ARE TIMES, WHEN THEY EMOTE, AND EXPOSE THEMSELVES, ARE VULNERABLE AND YOU ARE AMAZED AT THE SIGHT AND THE EXPERIENCE, WHICH IS ALMOST HARD TO BELIEVE AND AT THE SAME TIME YOU ARE ECSTATIC WITH JOY OF KNOWING THAT YES… ITS YOU WHO MAKES THEM HUMAN TOO…IT IS FOR YOU THAT THEY ARE HUMAN… YOU MATTER.. YOU MAKE THAT DIFFERENCE...  IN THOSE MOMENTS YOU KNOW IT’S A BOND OF EQUALS… FOR THOSE MOMENTS, THEY ARE NOT ABOVE YOU… THEY ARE YOUR PARALLELS, FEELING, BLEEDING CRYING OR HURTING OR HAPPY , JUST LIKE LIKE YOU DO…

Long - distance Short - comings

I want you here to so you can know me and I you..  Being familiar quite with each other's voices is no more than the tip of the ice berg.. 
I want  you here to not just hear me laugh but to see me cover my mouth while I do and maybe squish my cheeks cos my face now hurts from the constant grin that I have had since the past 2 hours for no reason.. 

I want u to see me squirm and shift in my spot and have a fingers fight when you say something sweet without any particular agenda or msg to convey..  And i want you to  see me when I finally fall silent... 

And i want you here to see u take a gasp when I dare say something daring..  And The kind of reaction I would want after such an episode can't be on call..  

I want gentle and non stop conversation between our fingers while spontaneous,  honest and relaxed conversations go on between our minds... 

Snippets

My heart sank down to the bottom of my chair when you took my name.. My full name..  (but later I realized I only had electricity to thank for that) Are u as mind fucked as I am..  I don't think so..  Men don't process tht way...  Alright then..  For the sake of sanity..  I will try and get u out of my head..  Such a  problem I am... Jussssst...  Stay..  I wanna get to know you so that I can justify this love I have for you.. 

There are so many things I wanna say to you..  So many reasons not to...  

Your job here is done...  I might have just lost myself to you..  Its just a lil alien feeling...  And i wanna deny it... just don't lead me on... U're cruel..  It's now established...  Pls be gentle and them pls blow my mind away ... 

At such a nascent stage..  So young..  There aren't even any memories to hold on to,  to indulge in.. So what exactly to miss..  To remember..  To just get lost in..  Like I wanna breathe but there isn't any air..  So what do I breathe...? Here's a cry for the future.. 

*problem * I've started having conversations with you in my mind cause I have stopped having conversations with you in person..  God save me now..  

Finally..  My subconscious has revealed you after much wonder..  I finally dreamt of you..  It took longer than it shud have..  Not tht it makes any difference..

Reruns of conversations with you...

So I had these doubts..  N these worries..  And these thoughts..  And just wen I was about to bury them..  You brought them to life and made them the harsh reality of my life..  (this was not for you..  But just a thought inspired)

How do I know if I am physically attracted to you..?  If everytime I think of you I think of the way you would write poetry with your body and mine..   How you would kiss me and how you would undress me..  And how I would feel as you move about.. Even though I have not been physically present with you.. For the first time in my life I am not afraid of being absolutely bare in front of you..  Or that I M not beautiful or thin enough.. I feel bold..  Beautiful..  Confident..  Have you instilled these feelings in me? I know already you would blow my mind..  Ruin me..  And i don't want it any other way...  Does this qualify as physical attraction?

I wanna love you the way you love..  I wanna be like you..  Think like you..  Its so strange and unwarranted yet I wanna be an extension of you...  What else can I do..  Ab tumhi sahi lagte ho...

S: there are many things I have said to you..  Many names I have called you by..  All in my thoughts
A: why didn't you ever tell me?
S: I would have just as much as I will in good time..  When the conversation stears in that direction...
A: that way u'll always keep waiting...
S: I have only been waiting for you..  Lemme know when the wait is over..
A: know now

My Fifty

M in love with him...  I might just be ruined..  But yes I am too in love with the book..  The story..  M in love with the author! What a heart she has to blend love n lust together... She's gifted indeed..  There's a reason this book got the fame it did..  Surely well deserved...  There are many books tht have erotism...  This one is class apart..
I have felt horror and fright..  And face turning pale..  And heart racing and eyes racing through words to know what next...  Its amazing how everytime sex was so special..  Everytime I love you felt more meaningful and deep

I am...  I got words! I got the gift of writing back..  I was blocked for soo many days...  Words flow now..  Unreserved...  M not having trouble giving shape to my thoughts and feelings..  Even hellos are sed like they're a piece of literary marvel... Its a satisfying and accomplishing feeling...